Are you there, God? It’s me, sydney.

Jason. 

Look, I know I ask you for things all the time but this is so important. I don’t want you to immediately hand him over to me as a boyfriend, I know that’s too much, I just want you to send my best friend back into my life. He meant so much to me and he always will, sure I have other feelings for him now but he was still always my best friend, first and foremost. Please, if you could, get him to text me and get us to hangout again… I want nothing more than to talk like we used to and go do fun things together. Seriously, if nothing else happens I’ll be disappointed but a friendship is better than nothing; I’d rather have him in my life that way than not at all. 

College.

I’m scared, as I’m sure you already know. Change really hurts me and throws me off, it’s my least favorite thing. I love spontaneity but I don’t like completely changing things at all. I hate changing friends, I hate changing up what I order at restaurants, I hate when my classes change from semester to semester. I can’t imagine how I’m going to transition like that, leaving my life and friends two hours behind. It’s scary. Help, please. 

Prom Surprise.

What really matters when you’re talking about going to your senior prom? Is it your date, your friends, the dancing, the dinner beforehand, or the after party? What will really provide those stories you’ll tell your friends, random people you meet, and, eventually, your children? I honestly think there are two things that matter most about prom, that is your  friends and what happens after you leave the dance. You know why? Because this is supposed to be that last big hurrah with your classmates before you graduate and go your separate ways. However, let’s all be honest. Do the people at that dance that aren’t your friends actually matter? Do you really care tohave “one last hurrah” with those people? Probably not. So when I got ready to leave my prom, I took a minute to look around. I saw kids I’ve known since Kindergarten, kids I’ve always seen but never talked to, and even a few exes with their dates. Then I looked around my own table at the people who were about to leave with me and hangout with me all night.. those were the only people who truly matter, the only ones that I’m going to miss when I leave.

Now, there was a surprising twist in the plot of my prom night, something that my loyal readers won’t see coming.

Reflection.

Wow. I can’t believe it’s really coming to an end… I feel like my life is ending and a brand new one is about to begin. No one told me how much emotion, deep thoughts, and worrying come into play when you graduate from high school; they don’t tell you how bittersweet the whole thing is. I’ve basically checked out of school because I know I’m ready for summer but I don’t know if I’m ready to check out of my hometown and go away to college… I’m nervous. I know it’ll be a blast, my cousins live nearby, probably my favorite cousin will live maybe a block away from campus and I know she’ll show me around and we’ll hangout a lot. The thing I’m really scared for is to leave this life behind… especially a few important people. My parents always say that they aren’t friends with any of their high school friends but I don’t want that to happen. This year I went through friends faster than any other period of my life, I had several “best friends” that were dropped for one reason or another, however I have two friends that have made it since 6th & 7th grade, they’re amazing and I don’t want to fall out of contact with them.. it’s actually a good thing that they’re staying in town for at least the first year of their educations, that means I can see them when I come home. There is one friend I’m worried about losing though, she’s become my very best friend over the past few months- she’s everything I’ve ever wanted in a best friend, the only person I’ve ever met with the same taste in music, she’s also the only friend I’ve ever had that was willing to lay it all on the line to have my back. I’m so lucky to have finally found someone with the characteristics I’ve always wanted in a friend.. someone who honestly cares about me as much as I care about them; it’s a powerful feeling. I guess I’m scared that I’ll go away to college and leave them behind, maybe they won’t talk to me anymore and they’ll fade away ):

I’m also kind of scared to leave my parents. I can’t wait to be able to make my own decisions without having to text them every time I make a move. It’s annoying and I can’t wait until I can be spontaneous without having to tell them where I’ll be/ when I’ll be home. I will miss them though, I’ll miss seeing them whenever I want and telling them about my day. I just feel like I’m too young to leave home… even though I want to. 

Ordinary Girl Post.

I’m so happy right now. The smile on my face is pretty much permanent. I’m not lying. I’m trying SO hard to stop smiling but I can’t, I’m officially going to stop trying not to because I’m glad that I’m smiling. Today was a stressful day but, in the end, I dropped out of senior tag (thank god because there’s WAY too much stress involved). Anyways, I ended up on the phone with Drake for two hours (: At one point he’s like, “If you were my girlfriend, I’d protect the shit out of you. Like if there was a problem with some 6’5, 400 pound guy, I’d do whatever I could. It’s nice to know I’d have a girl that could protect me if I really needed it.” and then he started talking about how I play hit him on Sunday and he’s like, “I was so surprised. It was hard, especially for a girl.” He’s so cute and funny and awesome… he just kept talk about these deep concepts and stuff. I don’t know, I’m so happy just hearing his voice. His voice makes me so happy. While we were playing tag he left me this voicemail trying to egg me on to come and get him or whatever, I kept it because whenever I listen to it I can’t help but smile. I know I must sound so stupid right now but I didn’t know where else to turn to tell someone just how happy I am right now I think we’re hanging out tomorrow… (:

Blocked Call.

Just a short post about something that’s been bothering me.

Too Happy to Hold it in.

I know some of you have read my last post about Jason and some of you are even rooting for us to work out… but today may have changed my mind. Yes, I do love Jason and I’d do anything for him, he was my bestfriend, he’s amazing, ect. However, today one of my craziest dreams kind of came true. FINALLY.

Blue.

In one of my classes my teacher told us that we were going to do some personality quizzes, which I didn’t mind because it’s kind of like a more accurate Tiger Beat quiz. Remember Tiger Beat? I used to love flipping through those pages, skmiming through the gossip, and stopping at every little test there was. So my teacher laid a paper down on my desk; it asked me what I usually talk about, what I like in conversations, ect. When I was finished all that was left to do was add up my points. The test told me that I had blue communication, as opposed to gold, orange, or green.  

We all need a little guidance sometimes.

Feel free to skip to the (*) unless you happen to be my grandparents or just enjoy an angry rant from time to time! (: 

I did something stupid two nights ago and, because my grandparents have decided that it’s okay to deny me any privacy (I found my blog up on their computer a few weeks ago which REALLY pissed me off), I’m afraid I can’t tell you the whole story. Before I begin, do you even know how upset I am that I opened my grandparents’ laptop only to see “Just One Girl” across the screen? I can’t communicate to you the feelings of violation, anger, sadness, and confusion I felt. There’s no way that they could have found my blog… there are a total of three people who I’ve ever allowed to see my blog. None of them would have any contact with my grandparents, so I have no idea how they found it. The thing that upsets me the most is that I made a Myspace and my mom demanded that I add her as a friend, I made a facebook and my entire family hopped on board even though I didn’t want to add any of them, then I started twitter (I was alone for awhile because it wasn’t popular yet but soon everyone was following me and my grandmother decided it was acceptable for her to stalk my profile and point out cussing, ect. to my mom -_-), and now a blog. I made this blog for ONE MAIN REASON, so I could finally vent my private thoughts to people who could give me advice that don’t actually know me or have any ties to my life. I’m irritated as FUCK (your welcome grandma) that my privacy has been FUCKING taken from me. All I wanted was one FUCKING GOD DAMN place to vent, get advice, and talk about my life without my family or peers knowing about it. 

*Anyways, back to the original point of my post. My friends and I went camping for spring break. I ended up calling my ex-bestfriend Jason… I know I shouldn’t have, but I did.

Spring Break!

Every year I read a million statuses about where everyone gets to go for spring break- cruises, beaches, lodges, other countries, ect. and every year I’m annoyed that I have to stay at home. This year was even worse because everyone is traveling with their friends on road trips and, of course, to beaches. I wanted to do something like that but I know my parents would never let it happen. I mean, letting your 17-18 year old HIGH SCHOOL children go to the beach with their friends is expensive and a little ridiculous. Then two of my best friends and I came up with a genius plan, first we wanted to do a road trip but figured our parents wouldn’t us going somewhere completely random and it’s difficult for 17 year olds to find somewhere to stay… hotels don’t allow anyone under 18 to make reservations. The more we thought about it, the better a camping trip sounded. So we asked my mom and, surprisingly, she said yes! So the week of spring break I will be camping in a pretty nice cabin with two of my favorite people, Jami and Delvon! It’s going to be amazing! (: 

Cartoon Conspiracy.

So I’m sure you’ve heard of some of these odd conspiracy theories regarding popular cartoons, they are just so interesting to me so I decided to share + offer some of my own input. I hope you enjoy them as much as I did!

1. (my personal favorite) Courage the Cowardly Dog: 

“Courage is actually a normal dog and he sees the world through a dog’s eyes. All the villains in the show are just normal people, but to a little dog they seem scary. They don’t actually live in the middle of Nowhere, but since his owners are too old to take him outside for walks, he only knows what’s around his immediate property, and everything beyond that is nothing because he’s never seen it.”

How much sense does that make? I genuinely believe this one and major props to the creators/writers because it’s GENIUS. I mean think about it, Courage always feels like he has to protect Muriel and Eustace even though they act like everything is normal and Courage is freaking out for apparently no reason. All you have to do is think about your own dog, if you have one. Mine barks when you open windows, use the printer, or when someone is at the door and he honestly believes that he’s protecting me. Plus, he only gets to see the places that I take him! This theory makes perfect sense and I wish someone would have told me when I was kid! I wouldn’t have been so freaked out by it!

2. Rugrats: