Monthly Archives: January 2013

A Day Unplugged.

If you’ve read my last post, you have a better idea of why I’ve been such a downer lately! I’m really sorry to all of you guys, I’m going to work on those issues and work toward a healthier, happier me. Last night after I wrote that post I got really sad and decided that I should turn off my phone to keep myself from bothering everyone on twitter. This morning I woke up and instead of instantly checking my social media, I just got dressed and ignored the phone’s existence. Before leaving for school I stuck in my purse, still off; actually, it’s still just sitting on the table, leaving me unavailable to the world. There’s something about being unreachable and away from all of the statuses, tweets, and pictures that seems so refreshing to me- I love it. Today I was able to focus more in school, I felt a little more confident, and I even answered questions in class. I was beyond proud of myself for shutting off my addiction to those stupid apps and just having a good day… I didn’t have texts to reply to or anything. To be honest with you, I’m not sure why it improved my mood so much, it just did! I feel great about my decision today and I’m not sure when it will be turned back on- we’ll see! (: 

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Connecting The Dots.

Symptoms:

  • apathy
  • complaints of pains, including headaches, stomachaches, low back pain, or fatigue
  • difficulty concentrating
  • difficulty making decisions
  • excessive or inappropriate guilt
  • irresponsible behavior — for example, forgetting obligations, being late for classes, skipping school
  • loss of interest in food or compulsive overeating that results in rapid weight loss or gain
  • memory loss
  • preoccupation with death and dying
  • rebellious behavior
  • sadness, anxiety or a feeling of hopelessness
  • staying awake at night and sleeping during the day
  • sudden drop in grades
  • use of alcohol or drugs and promiscuous sexual activity
  • withdrawal from friends

To some of you, you know exactly what these are symptoms of- maybe you’ve lived through it or you’ve written a paper about it, or maybe you have no idea what I’m talking about yet. My entire life I’ve been struggling with chunks of time that I just feel sad, helpless, useless, unimportant, un-cared for, you name it! It’s hard to look myself in the mirror sometimes… so yes, after finally getting tired of these periods of time that I usually block out when I become normal again, I’ve decided to get on the computer and figure out if what’s wrong with me is normal teenage hormone type stuff or if it could be more serious. The symptoms I have listen above are that of teen depression which is a really serious thing, about 20% of people will experience depression before reaching adulthood… that’s a large amount.

I just kind of wanted to share this personal part of my life with you guys since I’m sure you’ve noticed that I’ve been a little down lately… it feels good to get it out. I’ve gone to two different counselors in my life and am planning to have a conversation about this with my mom to get a new one who would be more helpful to me in this specific area. So since I’ve decided to share something pretty personal today, I think I’ll tell you a story that embarrasses me a little bit, just because I need to get it off my chest and it’s related.

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Sunshine Award!

The Sunshine Award is symbolized by a flower that one blogger can give to other “bloggers who positively and creatively inspire others in the blogosphere”.

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They’re Back!

For any huge Loney Island or Andy Samberg fans, they’re back with a brand new song! Enjoy! (:

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Those Pesky Gun Laws.

“What? Gun control?! The government is coming for my guns- what about my second amendment rights?” I’m sure you’ve heard someone, somewhere say these kinds of things. Am I right? Of course I am. Whether it’s your uncle Al the proud gun owner, your own parents, or the media, you’ve most likely heard these things. The problem is knowing how true those statements are and what these statements are taking away from the truth.

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Words I can’t say.

It’s you- it’s always been you. There’s no one else I’d rather have holding me when I’m sad, protecting me when I’m scared, making me laugh when I’m angry, and, most importantly, celebrating with me when I’m happy. I got into college but I couldn’t celebrate that with you… I received compliments in journalism and all I wanted to do was tell you about it. When my parents and I have a fight, I need you there with me. When I miss my aunt Kristin, you’re the only one who can truly understand how much that all hurt me. You’re not the only fish in the sea, that’s true, but you’re the only one I want. I don’t want to make you jealous, I want to make you feel as important as I always used to in your arms. I want those beautiful brown eyes staring into mine every moment of the day. I don’t think I’ll ever get over this and you know what? I don’t want to. I’ve made mistakes and I have flaws, but love can conquer anything…. how did we let such an amazing relationship just slip away? I spend so much time being tough and strong… I don’t want that anymore. I don’t want my pride, I don’t care, I want you. I want to watch you draw cartoons for hours, I want to watch every movie/show that you like, I want you to tell me everything because I want to make your problems fade away. I want to eat spongebob mac and cheese on the couch, I want to go out for dinners, I want to watch every good new movie with you, I want to kiss you in the rain, I want to go to the drive-in during summer and make the bed of my trunk the most comfortable place to watch. I want to have snowball fights, I want to make out in a pool, I want to walk with you down the beach. I want you to hold my hand in the hallways and when I’m behind the wheel. I want you to come to every family event I have, I want to have a good relationship with your mom, I want to play with your cats. I want to dance with you at prom and sleep with my head on your chest that night. I want to be there for all of your big moments, I want you there for mine. I want you by my side when all of my dreams come true…. More than anything, I just want to hug you. I would give anything to wrap my arms around you and hold you close. I can’t promise that I’m perfect because no one is, but I promise that I love you and care for you more than any other girl ever will. I might like other people but I can live without them…. you’re different. I thought I loved other people before you but I was an idiot because I never even knew what love was before you. You swept me off my feet from day one. I’ll never forget the first time that I saw you because it’s the first time I believed in love at first sight. I’ve never felt more comfortable around another person, I’ve never been able to talk to someone the way I could talk with you, I’ve never felt so passionately about someone… ever. I know I can never say these things to you, Ethan, because I know that you’d shoot me down. I know your life is better without me… but mine isn’t anywhere near as great as it was when you were here. I really thought we could have been that couple… the one that ends up married and grow old together. I still wish that could be true. I love you with all of my heart and then some. I’ll never stop.

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Best New Thing In The World!

Best New Thing In The World!

Who among you remember the Formspring epidemic? I certainly do! I used to love that website. So here’s the thing, there’s a brand new site just like the old Formspring (: I encourage you guys to go ask me some questions, anything at all! You don’t need an account on the site to send questions and you can send them either under your name OR anonymously! Go for it! Ask me a question or just tell me something secretly. I think it’ll be really fun! ❤ http://ask.fm/justonegirl95

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♪ It’s like I just stepped outside when everything was going right ♫

Lyrics to an amazing Blake Shelton song as my title. If you don’t know this song, look it up- it’s called Home. Whenever I am in a bad mood or even just thinking too much, I turn to this; no matter what the situation may be, it almost always seems to relate. Last year when I lost all of my friends, this song made me cry… but it was a good, healthy cry. It was the kind of cry that I really needed and Blake forced it out of me. Now that two of those girls still aren’t my friends, it doesn’t phase me. I just don’t care anymore, party because this song helped me get it all out and begin to see past it. This year I don’t have that same problem, it’s quite a different one- yet, somehow similar.

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Deep.

Tonight I decided to look through my old messages on myspace and all of my old wall posts and such. I can’t even believe how much my life has changed in the past four or five years. I was reading my messages with my boyfriend from 8th grade, Brad, and I honestly couldn’t stop laughing. All of the messages were like “I love you so much, I want to marry you someday” and then we’d break up and it’d be like “I hate you” then, magically, go back to “I love you” again. I remember back then I really thought we were meant to be but now, looking back, we were only like thirteen years old. I still know Brad, actually, we’ve had an interesting past but now I can walk by him and not feel anything. These messages made me think a lot because in eighth grade I didn’t know I would date a guy named Jon for five months or a guy named Ethan for eight. I didn’t even know who Ethan was. Crazy, right? That all makes me hopeful for college next year because who know who I’ll meet? Maybe my next boyfriend really will be “the one” that I thought Brad was. Who knows? The future is wide open, my book isn’t even half way over. (: 

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Good Music, Good Mood.

The past two days I’ve been in a not so wonderful mood but that doesn’t matter anymore. My mom and I got in a spat which further added to my frustration and when she left I picked up the laptop and decided to listen to this amazing song by Jason Grey that I like to play when I’m upset, it’s about how no matter what you are and who you are, God loves you. It just makes me feel like even when I’m down and feel alone, I’m not- he will always be here for me. When that song was over I listened to a few songs by The Frey, The Script, and Theory of a Deadman, songs I fell in love with a few years ago and they made my smile come back. I just felt so happy to have that beautiful. familiar melody as I sang my heart out and felt the words. One of those songs really described how I feel now better than I could do it for myself, thank you to God who, I know, led me to it today (:

Right now I’m in the middle of a song by one of favorite bands of all time- Nickelback. The one that’s playing is Never Gonna Be Alone, which kind of relates to God in my eyes, at least. I know that is the one person who will never let me down and never leave me… even on days like this where I shut my phone off to block out the world, he’s here with me. I love this relationship, I cherish it and no one can ever take it away from me ❤ I just wanted to let everyone know how thankful I am for good music and an even better savior.

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