♪ It’s like I just stepped outside when everything was going right ♫

Lyrics to an amazing Blake Shelton song as my title. If you don’t know this song, look it up- it’s called Home. Whenever I am in a bad mood or even just thinking too much, I turn to this; no matter what the situation may be, it almost always seems to relate. Last year when I lost all of my friends, this song made me cry… but it was a good, healthy cry. It was the kind of cry that I really needed and Blake forced it out of me. Now that two of those girls still aren’t my friends, it doesn’t phase me. I just don’t care anymore, party because this song helped me get it all out and begin to see past it. This year I don’t have that same problem, it’s quite a different one- yet, somehow similar.

This time last year I was losing my friends one by one over a boy- one I dated for eight months (I know you’ve heard the story). So anyways, I never would have thought that a year later I’d be back to playing this song to comfort myself. To be honest, I didn’t think there was even a chance that I’d be single again by this time but, hey, shit happens. Over the course of 2012, Ethan and I had and ended our relationship but I also made the most amazing friend I could have dreamt up. At first, I shook my feelings for him off because I had a boyfriend but, after the split, I was just scared to get into another relationship. I pushed him away a lot for about two weeks until I finally came to the conclusion that I was done being scared of going for what I truly wanted. By that time, it was too late. I know what you’re thinking because it’s what everyone else has said, “if someone stops having feelings for you that quickly, they never did.” But I know him, I know his story and his past. Most of all, I know how he deals with emotions. It’s sad to say it but as I look through all of my facebook pictures, all I see is the two of us hanging out 24/7 like we used to and it hurts. I missed my opportunity and, ONCE AGAIN, I’ve stepped outside just when everything was going right. It’s exactly like Blake says in the song… I just wanna go home. I want nothing more than to go back in time to all of the moments where he was hoping for more from me and I denied him- those moments play in my mind sometimes. It hurts to say it but I just have to try my best to return this friendship to normal and move on. Another song lyric in my head as I’m writing this is one by my husband Luke Bryan, “ain’t no reason runnin after something already gone.” It really sucks, but that’s the truth here. I can’t hold on to someone who doesn’t want what I want.Image

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