Words I can’t say.

It’s you- it’s always been you. There’s no one else I’d rather have holding me when I’m sad, protecting me when I’m scared, making me laugh when I’m angry, and, most importantly, celebrating with me when I’m happy. I got into college but I couldn’t celebrate that with you… I received compliments in journalism and all I wanted to do was tell you about it. When my parents and I have a fight, I need you there with me. When I miss my aunt Kristin, you’re the only one who can truly understand how much that all hurt me. You’re not the only fish in the sea, that’s true, but you’re the only one I want. I don’t want to make you jealous, I want to make you feel as important as I always used to in your arms. I want those beautiful brown eyes staring into mine every moment of the day. I don’t think I’ll ever get over this and you know what? I don’t want to. I’ve made mistakes and I have flaws, but love can conquer anything…. how did we let such an amazing relationship just slip away? I spend so much time being tough and strong… I don’t want that anymore. I don’t want my pride, I don’t care, I want you. I want to watch you draw cartoons for hours, I want to watch every movie/show that you like, I want you to tell me everything because I want to make your problems fade away. I want to eat spongebob mac and cheese on the couch, I want to go out for dinners, I want to watch every good new movie with you, I want to kiss you in the rain, I want to go to the drive-in during summer and make the bed of my trunk the most comfortable place to watch. I want to have snowball fights, I want to make out in a pool, I want to walk with you down the beach. I want you to hold my hand in the hallways and when I’m behind the wheel. I want you to come to every family event I have, I want to have a good relationship with your mom, I want to play with your cats. I want to dance with you at prom and sleep with my head on your chest that night. I want to be there for all of your big moments, I want you there for mine. I want you by my side when all of my dreams come true…. More than anything, I just want to hug you. I would give anything to wrap my arms around you and hold you close. I can’t promise that I’m perfect because no one is, but I promise that I love you and care for you more than any other girl ever will. I might like other people but I can live without them…. you’re different. I thought I loved other people before you but I was an idiot because I never even knew what love was before you. You swept me off my feet from day one. I’ll never forget the first time that I saw you because it’s the first time I believed in love at first sight. I’ve never felt more comfortable around another person, I’ve never been able to talk to someone the way I could talk with you, I’ve never felt so passionately about someone… ever. I know I can never say these things to you, Ethan, because I know that you’d shoot me down. I know your life is better without me… but mine isn’t anywhere near as great as it was when you were here. I really thought we could have been that couple… the one that ends up married and grow old together. I still wish that could be true. I love you with all of my heart and then some. I’ll never stop.

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