Another Past Post.

Isn’t it funny how with time we change our memories, we manipulate them to make them better than they were so that we can feel bad for ourselves. I look back on my junior high experience and being an underclassman, I miss it. I always remember all of the good things about it and leave out the bad

Just now I came across my ex’s instagram and saw that he and his girlfriend have broken up; I followed him. I’m not particularly sure why I did it, but I did. Then I was like, “Why did we ever break up!? We were so perfect for each other!” I dated him when I was a sophomore, so about two years ago, and we were far from perfect. Our relationship’s failure the first time we broke up was my fault- that’s what let to our demise. I was a horrible girlfriend, I can’t lie, but I improved near the end. The thing is that by then he had definitely had enough and called it quits over probably the stupidest thing ever. I can’t blame him for that, I pushed him to the edge. What I do blame him for, however, is the disgustingly horrible things he said to me post-breakup. I’m talking things I’ve NEVER repeated that really broke my heart in half. At the end of the day, I have this theory… if Jon and I wouldn’t have dated and would have stayed friends, I think we would be dating to this day, successfully. That’s because after we broke up I changed soooooooo drastically, relationship/maturity wise. It’s funny because the summer after we had broke up (so like a year later) he started texting about how much he missed me and even asked me to go to a movie with him- I agreed to go despite the things he had said to me, you know I just let it go. The day of the movie he cancelled and we’ve never spoken another word to each other. It’s funny how things like that happen. You go from being strangers. to friends, to falling in love, dating, and then you’re strangers all over again. I guess I followed him because I know how much I’ve changed and I’d love to get to know the new Jon, just on a friends basis. I wonder how he’s doing, how his brother is. how his parents are, even his little cousin Cole runs through my thoughts from time to time. It’s hard to be so involved with someone and then all of the sudden you don’t even know them anymore. Maybe someday we’ll talk again, for now I’m following him on instagram XD

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2 thoughts on “Another Past Post.

  1. Eddie says:

    This is so sad I want to weep 😦
    So much of this I understand too, after these relationships it hurts so much to lose that one you loved so much. Then it hurts all over again because the one you just lost is the only one you can really talk to. Double whammy. I’m half way through the same book, only I’m a few chapters ahead of you. I gave up following her on instagram, looking at her (now defriended) facebook, going through old photos and chats, instead of reminding me about the good times it just made me sadder to remember what I’d lost.
    I wish I had something helpful to add but there aren’t any magic solutions, the one that got away will always hurt in some way to remember, just hurting less each day. I don’t think the scar ever truly heals, I’m 18 months post breakup and even new relationships don’t even truly get rid of that pain that is buried deep inside. Countless times I wanted to call or text but I remember how it feels to not get a reply, so that’s not a solution.
    All I can say is to take a deep breath and save that story to tell your kids one day 🙂
    There you go, a whole load of stuff from someone random that is of no interest whatsoever lol.
    Be strong.
    Eddie

    • justonegirl says:

      Oh man, in my relationship with Jon, the wounds have healed. The thing I’m dealing with now is an inner kind of struggle concerning my most recent ex boyfriend; we were together for eight months and broke up about four months ago. As you know, today was Valentine’s Day… I walked by him in the hallway and he seems like this emotionless, lifeless blob to me now. It’s like this body that used to hold the most amazing personality I had ever encountered is now just a space saver. I’m clearly not trying to be mean or anything, I just really don’t know how else to explain that feeling. I hope you’re okay! You seem like a very nice guy, I’m sure you’ll find what is meant for you in this life.

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