I posted all about my weekend already, I told all of you how awesome it was. I spent time with my mom, I touched Luke Bryan; it was the perfect weekend. Sunday night I went to bed really early and woke up Monday refreshed and ready to go, Tuesday I went to an awesome hockey game with some friends, the rest of my week was just great thing after great thing. This morning a girl in my first period class who I only talk to from time to time brought me a doughnut to school… like, honestly, it was the best week ever! So I’m wondering… why is it that the only thing on my mind is Ethan, AGAIN? It’s like I get completely over him for two weeks, then I have a relapse for a few days. I hate it.
I’m watching How I Met Your Mother right now, in the episode I finished watching just before logging on to WordPress, Barney tells Robin that he wants them to break up with their current significant others to get back together. Barney goes to Nora’s to break up with her and her parents are there, so he finally gets to meet them. Her dad says, “When you meet the right person, you know it. You can’t stop thinking about them. They’re your best friend, and your soulmate. You can’t wait to spend the rest of your life with them. No one and nothing else can compare.” Barney goes through memories of Robin as he listens because he knows that she’s his soulmate, he loves her. Robin, on the other hand, acts as if she’s going to do it but Kevin tells her that he loves her so she decides to stay with him. Barney had told Robin that they would each do what they have to do and meet at the bar at midnight but she brings Kevin with her. Barney looks at her as she shakes her head “no” and time stops for him; you can see in that moment more than any other that he truly is in love with her.
I sat here in awe. Why? Because I’ve always wanted someone to love me like that, to think of me as the person they need to be with, their best friend, their support system, the love of their life. I used to believe in love, I used to believe in all of that gushy stuff… but only because Ethan made me believe. I loved him like that, I needed him, he was my best friend, my support system, and, I thought, the love of my life. Everything was always so comfortable between us, I gave up so much to be with him because I believed in us. When he broke up with me I was in shock… I wanted us to work through our problems, I believed that our love could get through it. It turns out that he just didn’t have feelings for me anymore. Do you know how much that hurts? I had never truly believed in love until I met him and now I’m not sure I’ll ever really believe again.
I still remember the last day I spent with him… before he left he asked for one last kiss and he said, “I can see us ending up together again someday.” When he got out of the car I whispered, “If you love something, let it go…” and I tried so hard to let him go. I know that I seem tough in the halls at school and that’s because I know I’ll get through this eventually, it only hurts sometimes and I only miss him one a month or so…. but when it hurts, it hurts big time. How can someone go from being the most important person in your entire life to it being expected that you never think about them? It doesn’t work that way. I love him and I think that deep inside I still hope his words are true… I hope that our story isn’t over. I know he won’t come back, the logical part of my brain is telling me to get over it because sometimes when you love something and it leaves you, it’s gone but part of me just hopes that this is like a romantic comedy and that fate will bring him back.
I really needed to vent all of that, thank you so much. Feel free to comment and tell me how crazy I am haha. I love you all! ❤