Blue.

In one of my classes my teacher told us that we were going to do some personality quizzes, which I didn’t mind because it’s kind of like a more accurate Tiger Beat quiz. Remember Tiger Beat? I used to love flipping through those pages, skmiming through the gossip, and stopping at every little test there was. So my teacher laid a paper down on my desk; it asked me what I usually talk about, what I like in conversations, ect. When I was finished all that was left to do was add up my points. The test told me that I had blue communication, as opposed to gold, orange, or green.

I began to read through what it means to be “blue” and found it surprisingly relevant to my personality. According to www.colorlingo.com, my communication approach is to be personal and interactive, often drawing personal connections to share my own experience with others. I usually view that to be a bad thing about myself, that I’m often saying, “something like that happened to me” and passing along guidance using my own life. However, this tells me that it makes me more approachable to others, makes me a better listener, and shows compassion/empathy. Needless to say, it made me smile.

Within the packet there was also a “frustrations” section which told me that I get upset if I feel that someone is barking orders or talking down to me, I often avoid conflict, and I must have great respect in a person to accept their criticism of me, which are all pretty accurate things.
The whole thing was quite interesting, it’s funny how 10 questions can tell me so much about who I am, but there’s one thing it left out. One thing that’s been really starting to bother me lately. I have this problem where I assume that everyone secretly hates me (major insecurities) and that I’m unwanted and a burden to my friends/family. I know it’s probably ridiculous but sometimes those thoughts take over and it really upsets me. Lately I’ve been hanging out with my two best friends A LOT and, don’t get me wrong,  I love them both so much… But when I’m with them, I often feel unnecessary. Yesterday they were helping me with senior tag (just a game we play as seniors at my school) since they aren’t actually playing. The whole time I just felt like even thought they were technically there for me, it didn’t matter if I was there or not. It’s like I’m a third wheel in our friendship and I can’t stand it. The worst part is that I can’t tell if it’s in my head or really happening because I do this to myself all the time. It even happens with my family members, my cousins especially. They’re so important to me and most of the time I feel like they all love each other and I’m just there. I know it’s wrong but I can’t help it… I needed to vent about it to someone because it’s just such a downer on my life.
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