Category Archives: Personal

Reboot

When I first created this site I did so in order to have a place to share my thoughts/feelings about the world around me. I’m interested in politics and have been since I was extremely young! Since then I have strayed a lot from the original purpose because some tough things have happened in my personal life since this blog began in the summer of 2012 (a bad break up, diagnosis of depression and social anxiety disorder, the death of my aunt and of a close family friend, a lot of issues with my dad, starting college, additional relationship/ boy drama, and, in August of this year, one of my best friends from high school committed suicide) so whenever I actually log in to write about something it has almost always been personal.

I would really enjoy getting back to my roots because I feel that as I embark on the change of my major from Political Science to English I need both an outlet for my political and social views and somewhere to use my writing capabilities (outside of my YA fiction writing and school work).

As before, my email and comment sections are always open to anyone who would like to reach out to me with their own views or just to chat! (blog.offmychest@gmail.com) — though keep in mind it may take a few days for me to get to your email because of my busy schedule. I would also like to note that I enjoy reading other people’s opinions even if I don’t agree with them to gain perspective in what others think and feel. I believe that the only way for us to grow in our knowledge and debating tactics is to keep an open mind and dialogue in RESPECTFUL disputes. I will respect your opinions and be polite as long as you do the same.

Thank you all for following my blog, it means the world to be to be over 200 followers. I didn’t anticipate nearly this many people caring about what I write (especially because it has been so bleak and personal up to this point). I hope that you continue to follow me and begin to participate in the conversation here at Just One Girl.

XOXO

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I wrote an essay for class, I’d like to share it.

We Learn To Get By If We Learn To Have Scars

            Guitarist and vocalist Tom DeLonge accurately described what music means to me when he said, “music is good when it makes you dance but music is great when it makes you who you are.” Some of my first memories are singing and dancing around with my mom to the sounds that always seemed to fill our house. After my parents’ divorce my mom was distraught but it would always make her smile return to play Pink albums and rock out in the kitchen; those were some of my favorite nights growing up.

            When high school began I had a plethora of friends and always seemed to be on the move with a grin upon my face. During my transition from junior high and striving to become one of the elite “popular” kids, my school work suffered greatly which is when I first started to feel the depression setting in, I would have weeks at a time where I didn’t feel up to getting out of bed and days where I wouldn’t talk to anyone. Because I had allowed myself to fall behind, I lost hope in my intelligence. I stopped trying in school altogether after a while and decided that I wasn’t cut out for college, I had no idea what the future had in store for me but I was certainly dreading it.

            My sophomore year was an eye opener for me academically as I was enrolled in a program for kids who weren’t living up to their potential. I was really upset about joining a class of nineteen other kids and being isolated from the rest of my high school for the year, but it turned out to be a blessing in disguise. I started to get the grades my family always told me I could get, I was blessed with the opportunity to tutor a class of first graders at a local elementary, and I was happy again. That is until everything fell apart.

            As my junior year began my good friend invited me to go to a movie with her and one of her newer guy friends because she “didn’t want him to think it was a date.” So I went, of course! When I got to the movie and saw her friend, I thought he was cute but then I got the chance to talk to him; he was so funny, I couldn’t stop laughing, and he was also extremely intelligent. I asked my friend if she was sure she didn’t like him as more than a friend and when she said she was sure, I asked her to hook me up with him. That night I went so far as to tell my mom about how great this guy was; he seemed too good to be true. At a sleepover that night she began talking with another of our friends and was talked in to calling this guy. They talked for a long time and it was clear that she had changed her mind about him. I was upset but I figured since he liked her and not me, it would be okay. I decided to be happy for her instead of angry about it.

            About two weeks after they started dating, he began talking to me and it slipped that I had kind of liked him when I met him and he told me that he felt the same; it felt awkward knowing that I had this crush on my best friend’s boyfriend but I couldn’t shake it. When he broke up with her after a month, she had her mind made up to get him back but I began talking to him more and more. My friends all thought I was flirting with him, which I really wasn’t trying to do at all, and became mad at me. It was like seven girls verses me (the odds weren’t in my favor). That’s how I lost my entire group of friends in one fell swoop. Since I figured I had nothing to lose and on the advice of my mother, I began dating that boy. I began to receive tweets, Facebook messages, and texts about how horrible of a person I was and how much they hated me, all from my so called “friends.”

            I had never entirely felt like I fit in anywhere and, without my friends, I was lost. I felt that same hopelessness I had during my intellectual struggles, only this time it was worse; the emptiness didn’t go away after a few weeks, it stuck with me. I went from being a happy girl smiling and talking to everyone I passed in the hallway to keeping my head down and going straight from class to class. Since school work was all I had, I threw myself into it. On top of the depression, my anxiety was at an all-time high, it became hard for me to do everyday things such as go to the movie theatre or going out to eat with my family. I was always worried about what others would think of me, my self-esteem had been absolutely shattered.  

            On a vacation to Georgia the summer before my senior year I decided to listen to a song I had always enjoyed as a child, First Date by Blink-182. I then created a Pandora station around the band and listened to it almost constantly. I finally began to feel like myself again, when their voices were in my ears it was like life made sense to me again. I no longer questioned if it were worth it to get out of bed in the morning because I knew that when I got to school I could put in my headphones and drown out the people around me. In a time when I had no friends, I had made new ones: Tom DeLonge, Mark Hoppus, and Travis Barker kept me company whenever I was lonely and they never turned their backs on me.

            Music had always been a part of my family’s culture but the musicians had never spoken to me quite like they did, I never felt as if I knew the people behind the lyrics and I had never thought that I could turn to celebrities for solace. It was almost magical the way a horrible day could be transformed by pressing play on my phone. This weekend, my birthday weekend, I am fortunate enough to see my best friends preform live in Chicago. While they have no idea who I am, and most-likely never will, they made all the difference for me and for so many other depressed, anxious teenagers around the world. I recently formed an Instagram page dedicated to my favorite band and the amount of people who went through things similar to my experiences is crazy, so many young people depend on Blink to brighten their days. Some people were considering suicide before they found this music. I finally do belong somewhere, I finally have a community of people just like me. Blink has given me the gift of happiness and purpose, they truly have changed my life for the better.

 

*** Honest feedback appreciated and desired!***            

 

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Fate.

As you could probably infer, today I’m going to tell you a little story about fate. I’m a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. The hard part of this theory for some people is that some things you don’t know the reason or maybe you just won’t understand until later. I’ve put a lot of things together lately which is beautiful to me, and I’d like to share some of it.
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A Huge Part of My Life.al

No, I’m not talking about my family, friends, boys, or anything like that. I am talking about one of the biggest and most important parts of who I am, though… music. To some people music is a nice beat that makes the dance or something to jam out to in the car but to me it’s so much more. Music is my escape, my get away, my freedom; music is a way to express myself and, sometimes, lose myself. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve needed music to make myself stop crying, help me fall asleep, or just calm me down.

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One For the Books.

If you follow my blog twitter, you’d probably know that I’ve been searching for a time to write about last weekend since it was the best weekend EVER! I finally have time to sit down and get it done (: Let’s start this by saying that my mom bought me tickets for my third Luke Bryan concert for Christmas. I get fan club tickets so it’s pretty much a surprise as to where you’re sitting, so I figured they’d be okay seats but wan’t really sure what to expect. On February 22, 2013 (Friday) my mom woke me up to tell me that we had a snow day so I could go back to sleep for a while, when I woke back up, it was time to get our things together to go to Louisville, Kentucky for the concert. Once our car was packed up, we embarked on our weekend road trip!

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That night we arrived at our hotel that connected to the stadium, we got dressed and walked over to the show. The first man we asked to point us in the right direction said, “These are really good seats.” When we finally got inside the stadium, I looked around at all of the people who were anxiously awaiting Thompson Square, one of Luke’s opening acts.My mom asked another man to tell us exactly where we’d be sitting; he informed us that we had floor seats. The two of us made our way down a few flights of stairs before realizing that our seats were RIGHT next to the stage. During the concert Luke touched my hand twice, it was so amazing to be so close to him! The person in the picture to the left is Luke on stage and the girl in the cowboy hat would be me (:

The day after seeing Luke, my mom and I decided to go to see the Louisville Slugger Museum and Factory. At first I wanted to go but I also wanted to go home but once we walked in the doors, I was so excited to see everything. The first thing that happened when we walked into the museum was that we were able to hold the bat of one of six players. My mom choose Mickey Mantle and I picked up Joey Votto’s, it was really, really cool. Then we had a tour of the factory and got to watch a video showing a series of baseball player interviews. I even got to take a picture with a life size statue of one of my favorite players, Ken Griffey Jr. All in all, it’s hard to argue against this being the best weekend of my life! If you ever want to get away for a short vacation and you live within five or six hours from there, I highly recommend checking out the museum! There are a lot of other cool things in Louisville, too!

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It’s 2013- Everyone has a twitter, right? I mean even my mom is a member, along with over five-hundred million other people. Because of that fact I have decided to make an account for my blog! Click here to go straight to the new twitter page and follow me! I also have an Ask.fm account where you can ask me ANYTHING and it will remain completely anonymous! http://Ask.fm/ayeitssyd. Thanks everyone ❤

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Answers.

I got bored and decided to do a survey, now you can learn a little more about me! Then, copy it and do it on your blogs too!

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Another Past Post.

Isn’t it funny how with time we change our memories, we manipulate them to make them better than they were so that we can feel bad for ourselves. I look back on my junior high experience and being an underclassman, I miss it. I always remember all of the good things about it and leave out the bad

Just now I came across my ex’s instagram and saw that he and his girlfriend have broken up; I followed him. I’m not particularly sure why I did it, but I did. Then I was like, “Why did we ever break up!? We were so perfect for each other!” I dated him when I was a sophomore, so about two years ago, and we were far from perfect. Our relationship’s failure the first time we broke up was my fault- that’s what let to our demise. I was a horrible girlfriend, I can’t lie, but I improved near the end. The thing is that by then he had definitely had enough and called it quits over probably the stupidest thing ever. I can’t blame him for that, I pushed him to the edge. What I do blame him for, however, is the disgustingly horrible things he said to me post-breakup. I’m talking things I’ve NEVER repeated that really broke my heart in half. At the end of the day, I have this theory… if Jon and I wouldn’t have dated and would have stayed friends, I think we would be dating to this day, successfully. That’s because after we broke up I changed soooooooo drastically, relationship/maturity wise. It’s funny because the summer after we had broke up (so like a year later) he started texting about how much he missed me and even asked me to go to a movie with him- I agreed to go despite the things he had said to me, you know I just let it go. The day of the movie he cancelled and we’ve never spoken another word to each other. It’s funny how things like that happen. You go from being strangers. to friends, to falling in love, dating, and then you’re strangers all over again. I guess I followed him because I know how much I’ve changed and I’d love to get to know the new Jon, just on a friends basis. I wonder how he’s doing, how his brother is. how his parents are, even his little cousin Cole runs through my thoughts from time to time. It’s hard to be so involved with someone and then all of the sudden you don’t even know them anymore. Maybe someday we’ll talk again, for now I’m following him on instagram XD

When all of your dreams come true, who’s standing next to you?

I’ve spent the past week or so watching every episode of One Tree Hill in order. Before this I had been watching episodes here and there as my mom watched the series and I watched season 6 and part of 7 but now I’m going to make sure I see all of it. If you haven’t seen it yet, I highly recommend that you start now- it’s on Netflix. The series ran from 2003 to April 2012 and it’s truly a remarkable show. There are certain things about it that don’t quite fit with the fact that these kids are in high school at the beginning but, honestly, while you’re in to it none of that matters. The show isn’t just a petty high school drama, not at all, it’s full of life lessons and it evokes emotion like no other.

One of the lessons within OTH that really stands out to me has to do with one of the shows main characters, Lucas Scott. This is something that kept me up thinking two nights ago and, now that I’ve watched almost an entire season in one day, has been brought back to the forefront of my mind. In the first three seasons there’s this almost love triangle feel between Lucas, Brooke, and Peyton. Lucas’ entire childhood he had been watching Peyton from afar, she was like his dream girl, but once he becomes a popular basketball player, he has a chance with her and also with her bestfriend Brooke. Anyways, the point is that in season 3 he’s dating Brooke, followed by her breaking up with him, and he preaches to others that she’s “the one.” You can see it all over his face and in his words/actions that he truly believes those words. It’s also obvious how hurt he is that Brooke says that she stopped missing him. Any OTH fan knows that *spoiler alert* in the end he marries Peyton. You can apply that time of thing to your own life, especially when you hear the brilliant way the show always begins and ends, the deep and meaningful insights they share. The take away from that part of the story line is that in high school you might fall in love, you might even think that person is the one for you, but you also might get hurt… but that doesn’t mean that life is over. Just because a relationship doesn’t work out, that doesn’t mean that you should stop trying. Someday, you will find the one for you and you will be happy. High school isn’t everything and it certainly isn’t the end.

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Merry Ex-mas.

Honestly, if your name is Ethan, stop reading this now. I’m serious; close out of it and just move on with your life, though I’m not sure why you’re still checking in on me anyways. Normally I wouldn’t care if you read my posts, I have nothing to hide, but this is one of those days I’ve experienced many times before. In the past it’s been about different guys, other exes, and a similar, yet different situation. I’ve gone through it with Brad, Jon, even Chris… so now it’s your turn.

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