Tag Archives: dating

The day the wonderland collapsed around Alice

Alice suddenly found herself smiling at a text message and looked up to see if anyone had noticed; she took solace that, for once, the fact that no one paid her much attention had actually shown benefits. She had been texting a boy for a few days, knowing that it would likely never go anywhere and strangely not knowing whether or not she wanted it to. It had been about a week since Joel had talked to her, but she wasn’t going to let it bring her down. He was with Madison and had never really shown much interest, so she attempted to brush him off by texting this new boy. She finally allowed herself to stop thinking about his perfect black hair, sexy lip ring, and the way he laughed whenever she tried to make a joke, most people didn’t find her as funny as he seemed to and she enjoyed that attention. She typed back, dreading the fact that once he fell asleep she would go right back to reminiscing about the strong friendship she’d developed with Joel, she’d replay the memories in her head for the hundredth time, she’d remember his kiss with Madison the very day she’d planned to tell him how she felt, and, worst of all, she’d remember the way her tears tasted that evening. It was going to be a long night.

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We all need a little guidance sometimes.

Feel free to skip to the (*) unless you happen to be my grandparents or just enjoy an angry rant from time to time! (: 

I did something stupid two nights ago and, because my grandparents have decided that it’s okay to deny me any privacy (I found my blog up on their computer a few weeks ago which REALLY pissed me off), I’m afraid I can’t tell you the whole story. Before I begin, do you even know how upset I am that I opened my grandparents’ laptop only to see “Just One Girl” across the screen? I can’t communicate to you the feelings of violation, anger, sadness, and confusion I felt. There’s no way that they could have found my blog… there are a total of three people who I’ve ever allowed to see my blog. None of them would have any contact with my grandparents, so I have no idea how they found it. The thing that upsets me the most is that I made a Myspace and my mom demanded that I add her as a friend, I made a facebook and my entire family hopped on board even though I didn’t want to add any of them, then I started twitter (I was alone for awhile because it wasn’t popular yet but soon everyone was following me and my grandmother decided it was acceptable for her to stalk my profile and point out cussing, ect. to my mom -_-), and now a blog. I made this blog for ONE MAIN REASON, so I could finally vent my private thoughts to people who could give me advice that don’t actually know me or have any ties to my life. I’m irritated as FUCK (your welcome grandma) that my privacy has been FUCKING taken from me. All I wanted was one FUCKING GOD DAMN place to vent, get advice, and talk about my life without my family or peers knowing about it. 

*Anyways, back to the original point of my post. My friends and I went camping for spring break. I ended up calling my ex-bestfriend Jason… I know I shouldn’t have, but I did.

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♪ It’s like I just stepped outside when everything was going right ♫

Lyrics to an amazing Blake Shelton song as my title. If you don’t know this song, look it up- it’s called Home. Whenever I am in a bad mood or even just thinking too much, I turn to this; no matter what the situation may be, it almost always seems to relate. Last year when I lost all of my friends, this song made me cry… but it was a good, healthy cry. It was the kind of cry that I really needed and Blake forced it out of me. Now that two of those girls still aren’t my friends, it doesn’t phase me. I just don’t care anymore, party because this song helped me get it all out and begin to see past it. This year I don’t have that same problem, it’s quite a different one- yet, somehow similar.

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Deep.

Tonight I decided to look through my old messages on myspace and all of my old wall posts and such. I can’t even believe how much my life has changed in the past four or five years. I was reading my messages with my boyfriend from 8th grade, Brad, and I honestly couldn’t stop laughing. All of the messages were like “I love you so much, I want to marry you someday” and then we’d break up and it’d be like “I hate you” then, magically, go back to “I love you” again. I remember back then I really thought we were meant to be but now, looking back, we were only like thirteen years old. I still know Brad, actually, we’ve had an interesting past but now I can walk by him and not feel anything. These messages made me think a lot because in eighth grade I didn’t know I would date a guy named Jon for five months or a guy named Ethan for eight. I didn’t even know who Ethan was. Crazy, right? That all makes me hopeful for college next year because who know who I’ll meet? Maybe my next boyfriend really will be “the one” that I thought Brad was. Who knows? The future is wide open, my book isn’t even half way over. (: 

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Much Needed Venting.

There was a break up, right? All of you know that by now, I’ve done more than enough rambling, complaining, crying, and accepting of that on this blog. I’m sure by now you may have seen the words “break up” and bailed- I probably would have. But, alas, this isn’t about the break up itself (sorry for using that rotten ‘B’ word again) I’m about to tell you about the moving on aspect… because, let’s all face it, that’s the real problem.

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Friday Advice 3

Q: I recently told my best guy friend/ex-boyfriend that i really like him, over text message, cause i was too afraid. But it was his friend who saw the message, and then they texted me as him saying that he loved me. When i walked into class the next day, he and his friends were there, and they were laughing their heads off at me. And he didn’t do anything. I don’t know how to talk to him about it, but I don’t want to lose him. What should i do?

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The Bright Side.

I realized something today. I’ve been so far out of my comfort zone all week and I LOVE IT. Last week was probably the best of my life. It started out horrible because Ethan broke up with me after eight months, but after that something amazing happened: I became happier than ever. I started talking to some new people, getting their numbers, and hanging out with new people too. If you knew me, you’d know that’s just not stuff that I do very often. I don’t like to reach out to people and I have a really bad anxiety problem. However, this break up was the little kick I needed to start living my senior year to the fullest. When I lost my friends last year to date Ethan, I was trading in two or three good friendships for one boy. It sounds stupid now but I assure you it was probably the right decision. Except for the fact that I didn’t bother finding new friends or anything because I had one amazing friend and a few that I hadn’t lost.

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Friday Advice 1

Q: I love my girlfriend but my friend Rachel is really pretty and we have so much in common. How do I break it to my girl that I want to be with someone else? 

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