Tag Archives: god

Fate.

As you could probably infer, today I’m going to tell you a little story about fate. I’m a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. The hard part of this theory for some people is that some things you don’t know the reason or maybe you just won’t understand until later. I’ve put a lot of things together lately which is beautiful to me, and I’d like to share some of it.
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Connecting The Dots.

Symptoms:

  • apathy
  • complaints of pains, including headaches, stomachaches, low back pain, or fatigue
  • difficulty concentrating
  • difficulty making decisions
  • excessive or inappropriate guilt
  • irresponsible behavior — for example, forgetting obligations, being late for classes, skipping school
  • loss of interest in food or compulsive overeating that results in rapid weight loss or gain
  • memory loss
  • preoccupation with death and dying
  • rebellious behavior
  • sadness, anxiety or a feeling of hopelessness
  • staying awake at night and sleeping during the day
  • sudden drop in grades
  • use of alcohol or drugs and promiscuous sexual activity
  • withdrawal from friends

To some of you, you know exactly what these are symptoms of- maybe you’ve lived through it or you’ve written a paper about it, or maybe you have no idea what I’m talking about yet. My entire life I’ve been struggling with chunks of time that I just feel sad, helpless, useless, unimportant, un-cared for, you name it! It’s hard to look myself in the mirror sometimes… so yes, after finally getting tired of these periods of time that I usually block out when I become normal again, I’ve decided to get on the computer and figure out if what’s wrong with me is normal teenage hormone type stuff or if it could be more serious. The symptoms I have listen above are that of teen depression which is a really serious thing, about 20% of people will experience depression before reaching adulthood… that’s a large amount.

I just kind of wanted to share this personal part of my life with you guys since I’m sure you’ve noticed that I’ve been a little down lately… it feels good to get it out. I’ve gone to two different counselors in my life and am planning to have a conversation about this with my mom to get a new one who would be more helpful to me in this specific area. So since I’ve decided to share something pretty personal today, I think I’ll tell you a story that embarrasses me a little bit, just because I need to get it off my chest and it’s related.

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Good Music, Good Mood.

The past two days I’ve been in a not so wonderful mood but that doesn’t matter anymore. My mom and I got in a spat which further added to my frustration and when she left I picked up the laptop and decided to listen to this amazing song by Jason Grey that I like to play when I’m upset, it’s about how no matter what you are and who you are, God loves you. It just makes me feel like even when I’m down and feel alone, I’m not- he will always be here for me. When that song was over I listened to a few songs by The Frey, The Script, and Theory of a Deadman, songs I fell in love with a few years ago and they made my smile come back. I just felt so happy to have that beautiful. familiar melody as I sang my heart out and felt the words. One of those songs really described how I feel now better than I could do it for myself, thank you to God who, I know, led me to it today (:

Right now I’m in the middle of a song by one of favorite bands of all time- Nickelback. The one that’s playing is Never Gonna Be Alone, which kind of relates to God in my eyes, at least. I know that is the one person who will never let me down and never leave me… even on days like this where I shut my phone off to block out the world, he’s here with me. I love this relationship, I cherish it and no one can ever take it away from me ❤ I just wanted to let everyone know how thankful I am for good music and an even better savior.

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New Angels in Heaven.

I’m sure all of you have heard about the shooting that occurred yesterday. I’m sure you’ve heard the stories of small children hiding in cabinets, bathrooms, and closets… of the teachers who protected them, a few of them even losing their own lives trying to do just that.

I was in gym class, changing in the locker room, when I first heard the news that there had been a shooting in a Connecticut elementary school. My first reaction was that it’s one thing when it’s a high school or a college. You’re sad, it’s tragic, those kinds of things should never happen.. but this wasn’t 15-18 year olds or 20-25 year olds… this was five year old BABIES! They had an entire life ahead of them, futures. How could you look into their frightened little faces and pull the trigger? …They had so much to live for and look forward to, they were taken WAY too soon.

My bestfriend in this world is three years old… she isn’t much younger than those kids who lost their lives. What would I do with myself if it were her in one of those cramped bathrooms thinking that Christmas wasn’t coming for her and that those were her last moments- or, worse yet, what if they were her last moments? It’s so sad to think about teachers like Kaitlin Roig and Victoria Soto who, though I have never met them, became my heroes yesterday.

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Reflection.

Today was the worst kind of day. You probably won’t expect what I’m going to say and, honestly, you may not fully understand it. I haven’t thought much about Ethan at all, I’m not even sure how long ago we broke up (haha). But today I was in Journalism and got all of my stories in for the school paper because the deadline is tomorrow. The editor, Jasmine, came up to me after class and said, “Sydney, I’m mad at you for not being in here last year. You’re so good at this.” It made me feel so special and like I have talent, my self-esteem even raised a few points. Then this sinking feeling set in and I felt just a tiny bit of water building in my eyes.

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