Tag Archives: life

The Path Less Traveled By.

I’ve never quite understood the people who cross streets on the crosswalk.

I always watch these individuals as they go out of their way and take the path of all the people before them, they look both ways, and they stay within the confines of those white lines. It’s so silly to me that someone would go so far out of their way just to follow a rule made by society, a law with little merit, especially on a street like this one. The road is virtually untraveled, making me wonder why the crosswalk exists in the first place. Who declared that they must paint white stripes across this particular road? Who thought that human beings were so stupid that they could not be trusted to cross this one lane side street without being mowed down by a car? I felt a crocked smile beam across my face as yet another person took the long way from the building she came out of to the crosswalk.

In moments like these I simply ask myself if everyone in the country can be put in one of two categories: those who must cross the crosswalk, and those who choose to take their own path.

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The day the wonderland collapsed around Alice

Alice suddenly found herself smiling at a text message and looked up to see if anyone had noticed; she took solace that, for once, the fact that no one paid her much attention had actually shown benefits. She had been texting a boy for a few days, knowing that it would likely never go anywhere and strangely not knowing whether or not she wanted it to. It had been about a week since Joel had talked to her, but she wasn’t going to let it bring her down. He was with Madison and had never really shown much interest, so she attempted to brush him off by texting this new boy. She finally allowed herself to stop thinking about his perfect black hair, sexy lip ring, and the way he laughed whenever she tried to make a joke, most people didn’t find her as funny as he seemed to and she enjoyed that attention. She typed back, dreading the fact that once he fell asleep she would go right back to reminiscing about the strong friendship she’d developed with Joel, she’d replay the memories in her head for the hundredth time, she’d remember his kiss with Madison the very day she’d planned to tell him how she felt, and, worst of all, she’d remember the way her tears tasted that evening. It was going to be a long night.

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I wrote an essay for class, I’d like to share it.

We Learn To Get By If We Learn To Have Scars

            Guitarist and vocalist Tom DeLonge accurately described what music means to me when he said, “music is good when it makes you dance but music is great when it makes you who you are.” Some of my first memories are singing and dancing around with my mom to the sounds that always seemed to fill our house. After my parents’ divorce my mom was distraught but it would always make her smile return to play Pink albums and rock out in the kitchen; those were some of my favorite nights growing up.

            When high school began I had a plethora of friends and always seemed to be on the move with a grin upon my face. During my transition from junior high and striving to become one of the elite “popular” kids, my school work suffered greatly which is when I first started to feel the depression setting in, I would have weeks at a time where I didn’t feel up to getting out of bed and days where I wouldn’t talk to anyone. Because I had allowed myself to fall behind, I lost hope in my intelligence. I stopped trying in school altogether after a while and decided that I wasn’t cut out for college, I had no idea what the future had in store for me but I was certainly dreading it.

            My sophomore year was an eye opener for me academically as I was enrolled in a program for kids who weren’t living up to their potential. I was really upset about joining a class of nineteen other kids and being isolated from the rest of my high school for the year, but it turned out to be a blessing in disguise. I started to get the grades my family always told me I could get, I was blessed with the opportunity to tutor a class of first graders at a local elementary, and I was happy again. That is until everything fell apart.

            As my junior year began my good friend invited me to go to a movie with her and one of her newer guy friends because she “didn’t want him to think it was a date.” So I went, of course! When I got to the movie and saw her friend, I thought he was cute but then I got the chance to talk to him; he was so funny, I couldn’t stop laughing, and he was also extremely intelligent. I asked my friend if she was sure she didn’t like him as more than a friend and when she said she was sure, I asked her to hook me up with him. That night I went so far as to tell my mom about how great this guy was; he seemed too good to be true. At a sleepover that night she began talking with another of our friends and was talked in to calling this guy. They talked for a long time and it was clear that she had changed her mind about him. I was upset but I figured since he liked her and not me, it would be okay. I decided to be happy for her instead of angry about it.

            About two weeks after they started dating, he began talking to me and it slipped that I had kind of liked him when I met him and he told me that he felt the same; it felt awkward knowing that I had this crush on my best friend’s boyfriend but I couldn’t shake it. When he broke up with her after a month, she had her mind made up to get him back but I began talking to him more and more. My friends all thought I was flirting with him, which I really wasn’t trying to do at all, and became mad at me. It was like seven girls verses me (the odds weren’t in my favor). That’s how I lost my entire group of friends in one fell swoop. Since I figured I had nothing to lose and on the advice of my mother, I began dating that boy. I began to receive tweets, Facebook messages, and texts about how horrible of a person I was and how much they hated me, all from my so called “friends.”

            I had never entirely felt like I fit in anywhere and, without my friends, I was lost. I felt that same hopelessness I had during my intellectual struggles, only this time it was worse; the emptiness didn’t go away after a few weeks, it stuck with me. I went from being a happy girl smiling and talking to everyone I passed in the hallway to keeping my head down and going straight from class to class. Since school work was all I had, I threw myself into it. On top of the depression, my anxiety was at an all-time high, it became hard for me to do everyday things such as go to the movie theatre or going out to eat with my family. I was always worried about what others would think of me, my self-esteem had been absolutely shattered.  

            On a vacation to Georgia the summer before my senior year I decided to listen to a song I had always enjoyed as a child, First Date by Blink-182. I then created a Pandora station around the band and listened to it almost constantly. I finally began to feel like myself again, when their voices were in my ears it was like life made sense to me again. I no longer questioned if it were worth it to get out of bed in the morning because I knew that when I got to school I could put in my headphones and drown out the people around me. In a time when I had no friends, I had made new ones: Tom DeLonge, Mark Hoppus, and Travis Barker kept me company whenever I was lonely and they never turned their backs on me.

            Music had always been a part of my family’s culture but the musicians had never spoken to me quite like they did, I never felt as if I knew the people behind the lyrics and I had never thought that I could turn to celebrities for solace. It was almost magical the way a horrible day could be transformed by pressing play on my phone. This weekend, my birthday weekend, I am fortunate enough to see my best friends preform live in Chicago. While they have no idea who I am, and most-likely never will, they made all the difference for me and for so many other depressed, anxious teenagers around the world. I recently formed an Instagram page dedicated to my favorite band and the amount of people who went through things similar to my experiences is crazy, so many young people depend on Blink to brighten their days. Some people were considering suicide before they found this music. I finally do belong somewhere, I finally have a community of people just like me. Blink has given me the gift of happiness and purpose, they truly have changed my life for the better.

 

*** Honest feedback appreciated and desired!***            

 

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Fate.

As you could probably infer, today I’m going to tell you a little story about fate. I’m a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. The hard part of this theory for some people is that some things you don’t know the reason or maybe you just won’t understand until later. I’ve put a lot of things together lately which is beautiful to me, and I’d like to share some of it.
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A Huge Part of My Life.al

No, I’m not talking about my family, friends, boys, or anything like that. I am talking about one of the biggest and most important parts of who I am, though… music. To some people music is a nice beat that makes the dance or something to jam out to in the car but to me it’s so much more. Music is my escape, my get away, my freedom; music is a way to express myself and, sometimes, lose myself. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve needed music to make myself stop crying, help me fall asleep, or just calm me down.

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Reflection.

Wow. I can’t believe it’s really coming to an end… I feel like my life is ending and a brand new one is about to begin. No one told me how much emotion, deep thoughts, and worrying come into play when you graduate from high school; they don’t tell you how bittersweet the whole thing is. I’ve basically checked out of school because I know I’m ready for summer but I don’t know if I’m ready to check out of my hometown and go away to college… I’m nervous. I know it’ll be a blast, and two of my cousins live nearby. The thing I’m really scared for is to leave this life behind… especially a few important people. My parents always say that they aren’t friends with any of their high school friends but I don’t want that to happen. This year I went through friends faster than any other period of my life, I had several “best friends” that were dropped for one reason or another, however I have two friends that have made it since 6th & 7th grade, they’re amazing and I don’t want to fall out of contact with them.. it’s actually a good thing that they’re staying in town for at least the first year of their educations, that means I can see them when I come home. There is one friend I’m worried about losing though, she’s become my very best friend over the past few months- she’s everything I’ve ever wanted in a best friend, the only person I’ve ever met with the same taste in music, she’s also the only friend I’ve ever had that was willing to lay it all on the line to have my back. I’m so lucky to have finally found someone with the characteristics I’ve always wanted in a friend, someone who honestly cares about me as much as I care about them; it’s a powerful feeling. I guess I’m scared that I’ll go away to college and leave them behind, maybe they won’t talk to me anymore and they’ll fade away ):

I’m also kind of scared to leave my parents. I can’t wait to be able to make my own decisions without having to text them every time I make a move. It’s annoying and I can’t wait until I can be spontaneous without having to tell them where I’ll be/ when I’ll be home. I will miss them though, I’ll miss seeing them whenever I want and telling them about my day. I just feel like I’m too young to leave home… even though I want to.

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Blue.

In one of my classes my teacher told us that we were going to do some personality quizzes, which I didn’t mind because it’s kind of like a more accurate Tiger Beat quiz. Remember Tiger Beat? I used to love flipping through those pages, skmiming through the gossip, and stopping at every little test there was. So my teacher laid a paper down on my desk; it asked me what I usually talk about, what I like in conversations, ect. When I was finished all that was left to do was add up my points. The test told me that I had blue communication, as opposed to gold, orange, or green.

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Spring Break!

Every year I read a million statuses about where everyone gets to go for spring break- cruises, beaches, lodges, other countries, ect. and every year I’m annoyed that I have to stay at home. This year was even worse because everyone is traveling with their friends on road trips and, of course, to beaches. I wanted to do something like that but I know my parents would never let it happen. I mean, letting your 17-18 year old HIGH SCHOOL children go to the beach with their friends is expensive and a little ridiculous. Then two of my best friends and I came up with a genius plan, first we wanted to do a road trip but figured our parents wouldn’t us going somewhere completely random and it’s difficult for 17 year olds to find somewhere to stay… hotels don’t allow anyone under 18 to make reservations. The more we thought about it, the better a camping trip sounded. So we asked my mom and, surprisingly, she said yes! So the week of spring break I will be camping in a pretty nice cabin with two of my favorite people, Jami and Delvon! It’s going to be amazing! (: 

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Cartoon Conspiracy.

So I’m sure you’ve heard of some of these odd conspiracy theories regarding popular cartoons, they are just so interesting to me so I decided to share + offer some of my own input. I hope you enjoy them as much as I did!

1. (my personal favorite) Courage the Cowardly Dog: 

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“Courage is actually a normal dog and he sees the world through a dog’s eyes. All the villains in the show are just normal people, but to a little dog they seem scary. They don’t actually live in the middle of Nowhere, but since his owners are too old to take him outside for walks, he only knows what’s around his immediate property, and everything beyond that is nothing because he’s never seen it.”

How much sense does that make? I genuinely believe this one and major props to the creators/writers because it’s GENIUS. I mean think about it, Courage always feels like he has to protect Muriel and Eustace even though they act like everything is normal and Courage is freaking out for apparently no reason. All you have to do is think about your own dog, if you have one. Mine barks when you open windows, use the printer, or when someone is at the door and he honestly believes that he’s protecting me. Plus, he only gets to see the places that I take him! This theory makes perfect sense and I wish someone would have told me when I was kid! I wouldn’t have been so freaked out by it!

2. Rugrats:

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It’s 2013- Everyone has a twitter, right? I mean even my mom is a member, along with over five-hundred million other people. Because of that fact I have decided to make an account for my blog! Click here to go straight to the new twitter page and follow me! I also have an Ask.fm account where you can ask me ANYTHING and it will remain completely anonymous! http://Ask.fm/ayeitssyd. Thanks everyone ❤

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