Tag Archives: sad

The day the wonderland collapsed around Alice

Alice suddenly found herself smiling at a text message and looked up to see if anyone had noticed; she took solace that, for once, the fact that no one paid her much attention had actually shown benefits. She had been texting a boy for a few days, knowing that it would likely never go anywhere and strangely not knowing whether or not she wanted it to. It had been about a week since Joel had talked to her, but she wasn’t going to let it bring her down. He was with Madison and had never really shown much interest, so she attempted to brush him off by texting this new boy. She finally allowed herself to stop thinking about his perfect black hair, sexy lip ring, and the way he laughed whenever she tried to make a joke, most people didn’t find her as funny as he seemed to and she enjoyed that attention. She typed back, dreading the fact that once he fell asleep she would go right back to reminiscing about the strong friendship she’d developed with Joel, she’d replay the memories in her head for the hundredth time, she’d remember his kiss with Madison the very day she’d planned to tell him how she felt, and, worst of all, she’d remember the way her tears tasted that evening. It was going to be a long night.

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Experimenting with point-of-view

One day in my shoes and you’d know that something is missing, one day within the confines of my mind and you’d know exactly what that missing piece is.

Ever since the day I had allowed her to walk out of my life, or rather I pushed her out of it, I had been so lonely. Without her, who was I to confide my deepest thoughts, feelings, and problems to? Who was I supposed to run to when things in my life got difficult? Some may say my parents, but they had proven to be unhelpful. My mother tried to listen, but she had too many other things to deal with that my childish problems seemed obsolete and my father had never been one for feelings. Occasionally, I would turn to my friends, but they only ever wanted wanted to talk about drugs or brag about all of their sexual conquests. To be honest, I often question the validity of such stories because I’ve seen Randy talk to girls before and it had never gone well; he expected us to feel that when no one was around he was a natural with the fairer sex. I’m not buying it.

The last day of school I told my mom I was sick when, in reality, I wasn’t looking forward to saying goodbye to the girl who still had my heart. I know she thinks I don’t love her anymore, but that’s all a front. I act as if she is nothing but the dirt beneath my feet, little does she know she’s every song on my favorite playlist that constantly plays through my headphones every day a school, she’s the doodles on the corners of my assignments, and she’s the images and “what it” fantasies my mind plays for me at night. Every time I see her it’s as if my heart has been run over, but it’s behind the wheel. What a tragedy that I had the nerve to think I was too good for that girl or that we were in some way boring or void of passion. I was crazy and, for that, I must pay the ultimate price of watching her make some other man’s dreams come true…

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If you love something, let it go.

I posted all about my weekend already, I told all of you how awesome it was. I spent time with my mom, I touched Luke Bryan; it was the perfect weekend. Sunday night I went to bed really early and woke up Monday refreshed and ready to go, Tuesday I went to an awesome hockey game with some friends, the rest of my week was just great thing after great thing. This morning a girl in my first period class who I only talk to from time to time brought me a doughnut to school… like, honestly, it was the best week ever! So I’m wondering… why is it that the only thing on my mind is Ethan, AGAIN? It’s like I get completely over him for two weeks, then I have a relapse for a few days. I hate it. 

I’m watching How I Met Your Mother right now, in the episode I finished watching just before logging on to WordPress, Barney tells Robin that he wants them to break up with their current significant others to get back together. Barney goes to Nora’s to break up with her and her parents are there, so he finally gets to meet them. Her dad says, “When you meet the right person, you know it. You can’t stop thinking about them. They’re your best friend, and your soulmate. You can’t wait to spend the rest of your life with them. No one and nothing else can compare.” Barney goes through memories of Robin as he listens because he knows that she’s his soulmate, he loves her. Robin, on the other hand, acts as if she’s going to do it but Kevin tells her that he loves her so she decides to stay with him. Barney had told Robin that they would each do what they have to do and meet at the bar at midnight but she brings Kevin with her. Barney looks at her as she shakes her head “no” and time stops for him; you can see in that moment more than any other that he truly is in love with her. 

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Personify, my love.

I used to believe in Love, then one day I refused to allow it the honor of placement in my mind. People around me would be searching for another person to fill a void that they thought only this strange concept of “Love” would fill. Then, one day, I met someone who changed my mind and I began to believe in that concept just as everyone else around me did. I felt it; I enjoyed its magic, I indulged in its warmth, I made myself comfortable in its presence. That was my tragic error, the single action that really led to my demise.. I was so comfortable with Love, I so deeply ingrained that word and the things that came with it into who I was, I told people that I was in love and I knew that my lips were speaking the truth of my heart.

Twice before had I felt that word creeping into my life, attempting to steal the ground from beneath my awkwardly positioned feet. Twice before I had become overwhelmingly frightened. The word would call upon its meaning to assassinate me, to come after me to poison my emotions. However, those other times the word lost track of me as I continued to hide from it, running so much faster than it could. You see, without my thoughts and emotions to feed on, the word had no power; it was slow, fragile, and weak.

This time it managed to hold my attention just long enough. I began to trust it, but that only helped it to grow. It became a bigger monster everyday, though I felt no harm- I thought Love wanted me to be happy. Love took me in, made me feel at ease then struck like a cobra, ripping away everything I thought I knew. It teased me once I was injured, it continued to stand above me as it laughed. With each tear I shed, it only became louder.

That’s why I no longer believe in Love, though everyone says it has some kind of healing powers. Just wait until Love trips them and steals away their joy, as it did to me. I wonder how many of them will still enjoy its company once they’re bleeding on the cold, hard ground.

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Merry Ex-mas.

Honestly, if your name is Ethan, stop reading this now. I’m serious; close out of it and just move on with your life, though I’m not sure why you’re still checking in on me anyways. Normally I wouldn’t care if you read my posts, I have nothing to hide, but this is one of those days I’ve experienced many times before. In the past it’s been about different guys, other exes, and a similar, yet different situation. I’ve gone through it with Brad, Jon, even Chris… so now it’s your turn.

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Making Peace- part two.

I haven’t written in a few days but, though I doubt many of you care, I do have a good excuse. If you haven’t already read Making Peace, I strongly recommend that you do! It’ll provide the backstory details you need for this post but I’ll probably tell you all you really need to know in this one.

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