Tag Archives: teen

I wrote an essay for class, I’d like to share it.

We Learn To Get By If We Learn To Have Scars

            Guitarist and vocalist Tom DeLonge accurately described what music means to me when he said, “music is good when it makes you dance but music is great when it makes you who you are.” Some of my first memories are singing and dancing around with my mom to the sounds that always seemed to fill our house. After my parents’ divorce my mom was distraught but it would always make her smile return to play Pink albums and rock out in the kitchen; those were some of my favorite nights growing up.

            When high school began I had a plethora of friends and always seemed to be on the move with a grin upon my face. During my transition from junior high and striving to become one of the elite “popular” kids, my school work suffered greatly which is when I first started to feel the depression setting in, I would have weeks at a time where I didn’t feel up to getting out of bed and days where I wouldn’t talk to anyone. Because I had allowed myself to fall behind, I lost hope in my intelligence. I stopped trying in school altogether after a while and decided that I wasn’t cut out for college, I had no idea what the future had in store for me but I was certainly dreading it.

            My sophomore year was an eye opener for me academically as I was enrolled in a program for kids who weren’t living up to their potential. I was really upset about joining a class of nineteen other kids and being isolated from the rest of my high school for the year, but it turned out to be a blessing in disguise. I started to get the grades my family always told me I could get, I was blessed with the opportunity to tutor a class of first graders at a local elementary, and I was happy again. That is until everything fell apart.

            As my junior year began my good friend invited me to go to a movie with her and one of her newer guy friends because she “didn’t want him to think it was a date.” So I went, of course! When I got to the movie and saw her friend, I thought he was cute but then I got the chance to talk to him; he was so funny, I couldn’t stop laughing, and he was also extremely intelligent. I asked my friend if she was sure she didn’t like him as more than a friend and when she said she was sure, I asked her to hook me up with him. That night I went so far as to tell my mom about how great this guy was; he seemed too good to be true. At a sleepover that night she began talking with another of our friends and was talked in to calling this guy. They talked for a long time and it was clear that she had changed her mind about him. I was upset but I figured since he liked her and not me, it would be okay. I decided to be happy for her instead of angry about it.

            About two weeks after they started dating, he began talking to me and it slipped that I had kind of liked him when I met him and he told me that he felt the same; it felt awkward knowing that I had this crush on my best friend’s boyfriend but I couldn’t shake it. When he broke up with her after a month, she had her mind made up to get him back but I began talking to him more and more. My friends all thought I was flirting with him, which I really wasn’t trying to do at all, and became mad at me. It was like seven girls verses me (the odds weren’t in my favor). That’s how I lost my entire group of friends in one fell swoop. Since I figured I had nothing to lose and on the advice of my mother, I began dating that boy. I began to receive tweets, Facebook messages, and texts about how horrible of a person I was and how much they hated me, all from my so called “friends.”

            I had never entirely felt like I fit in anywhere and, without my friends, I was lost. I felt that same hopelessness I had during my intellectual struggles, only this time it was worse; the emptiness didn’t go away after a few weeks, it stuck with me. I went from being a happy girl smiling and talking to everyone I passed in the hallway to keeping my head down and going straight from class to class. Since school work was all I had, I threw myself into it. On top of the depression, my anxiety was at an all-time high, it became hard for me to do everyday things such as go to the movie theatre or going out to eat with my family. I was always worried about what others would think of me, my self-esteem had been absolutely shattered.  

            On a vacation to Georgia the summer before my senior year I decided to listen to a song I had always enjoyed as a child, First Date by Blink-182. I then created a Pandora station around the band and listened to it almost constantly. I finally began to feel like myself again, when their voices were in my ears it was like life made sense to me again. I no longer questioned if it were worth it to get out of bed in the morning because I knew that when I got to school I could put in my headphones and drown out the people around me. In a time when I had no friends, I had made new ones: Tom DeLonge, Mark Hoppus, and Travis Barker kept me company whenever I was lonely and they never turned their backs on me.

            Music had always been a part of my family’s culture but the musicians had never spoken to me quite like they did, I never felt as if I knew the people behind the lyrics and I had never thought that I could turn to celebrities for solace. It was almost magical the way a horrible day could be transformed by pressing play on my phone. This weekend, my birthday weekend, I am fortunate enough to see my best friends preform live in Chicago. While they have no idea who I am, and most-likely never will, they made all the difference for me and for so many other depressed, anxious teenagers around the world. I recently formed an Instagram page dedicated to my favorite band and the amount of people who went through things similar to my experiences is crazy, so many young people depend on Blink to brighten their days. Some people were considering suicide before they found this music. I finally do belong somewhere, I finally have a community of people just like me. Blink has given me the gift of happiness and purpose, they truly have changed my life for the better.

 

*** Honest feedback appreciated and desired!***            

 

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Fate.

As you could probably infer, today I’m going to tell you a little story about fate. I’m a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. The hard part of this theory for some people is that some things you don’t know the reason or maybe you just won’t understand until later. I’ve put a lot of things together lately which is beautiful to me, and I’d like to share some of it.
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A Huge Part of My Life.al

No, I’m not talking about my family, friends, boys, or anything like that. I am talking about one of the biggest and most important parts of who I am, though… music. To some people music is a nice beat that makes the dance or something to jam out to in the car but to me it’s so much more. Music is my escape, my get away, my freedom; music is a way to express myself and, sometimes, lose myself. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve needed music to make myself stop crying, help me fall asleep, or just calm me down.

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We all need a little guidance sometimes.

Feel free to skip to the (*) unless you happen to be my grandparents or just enjoy an angry rant from time to time! (: 

I did something stupid two nights ago and, because my grandparents have decided that it’s okay to deny me any privacy (I found my blog up on their computer a few weeks ago which REALLY pissed me off), I’m afraid I can’t tell you the whole story. Before I begin, do you even know how upset I am that I opened my grandparents’ laptop only to see “Just One Girl” across the screen? I can’t communicate to you the feelings of violation, anger, sadness, and confusion I felt. There’s no way that they could have found my blog… there are a total of three people who I’ve ever allowed to see my blog. None of them would have any contact with my grandparents, so I have no idea how they found it. The thing that upsets me the most is that I made a Myspace and my mom demanded that I add her as a friend, I made a facebook and my entire family hopped on board even though I didn’t want to add any of them, then I started twitter (I was alone for awhile because it wasn’t popular yet but soon everyone was following me and my grandmother decided it was acceptable for her to stalk my profile and point out cussing, ect. to my mom -_-), and now a blog. I made this blog for ONE MAIN REASON, so I could finally vent my private thoughts to people who could give me advice that don’t actually know me or have any ties to my life. I’m irritated as FUCK (your welcome grandma) that my privacy has been FUCKING taken from me. All I wanted was one FUCKING GOD DAMN place to vent, get advice, and talk about my life without my family or peers knowing about it. 

*Anyways, back to the original point of my post. My friends and I went camping for spring break. I ended up calling my ex-bestfriend Jason… I know I shouldn’t have, but I did.

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Spring Break!

Every year I read a million statuses about where everyone gets to go for spring break- cruises, beaches, lodges, other countries, ect. and every year I’m annoyed that I have to stay at home. This year was even worse because everyone is traveling with their friends on road trips and, of course, to beaches. I wanted to do something like that but I know my parents would never let it happen. I mean, letting your 17-18 year old HIGH SCHOOL children go to the beach with their friends is expensive and a little ridiculous. Then two of my best friends and I came up with a genius plan, first we wanted to do a road trip but figured our parents wouldn’t us going somewhere completely random and it’s difficult for 17 year olds to find somewhere to stay… hotels don’t allow anyone under 18 to make reservations. The more we thought about it, the better a camping trip sounded. So we asked my mom and, surprisingly, she said yes! So the week of spring break I will be camping in a pretty nice cabin with two of my favorite people, Jami and Delvon! It’s going to be amazing! (: 

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If you love something, let it go.

I posted all about my weekend already, I told all of you how awesome it was. I spent time with my mom, I touched Luke Bryan; it was the perfect weekend. Sunday night I went to bed really early and woke up Monday refreshed and ready to go, Tuesday I went to an awesome hockey game with some friends, the rest of my week was just great thing after great thing. This morning a girl in my first period class who I only talk to from time to time brought me a doughnut to school… like, honestly, it was the best week ever! So I’m wondering… why is it that the only thing on my mind is Ethan, AGAIN? It’s like I get completely over him for two weeks, then I have a relapse for a few days. I hate it. 

I’m watching How I Met Your Mother right now, in the episode I finished watching just before logging on to WordPress, Barney tells Robin that he wants them to break up with their current significant others to get back together. Barney goes to Nora’s to break up with her and her parents are there, so he finally gets to meet them. Her dad says, “When you meet the right person, you know it. You can’t stop thinking about them. They’re your best friend, and your soulmate. You can’t wait to spend the rest of your life with them. No one and nothing else can compare.” Barney goes through memories of Robin as he listens because he knows that she’s his soulmate, he loves her. Robin, on the other hand, acts as if she’s going to do it but Kevin tells her that he loves her so she decides to stay with him. Barney had told Robin that they would each do what they have to do and meet at the bar at midnight but she brings Kevin with her. Barney looks at her as she shakes her head “no” and time stops for him; you can see in that moment more than any other that he truly is in love with her. 

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One For the Books.

If you follow my blog twitter, you’d probably know that I’ve been searching for a time to write about last weekend since it was the best weekend EVER! I finally have time to sit down and get it done (: Let’s start this by saying that my mom bought me tickets for my third Luke Bryan concert for Christmas. I get fan club tickets so it’s pretty much a surprise as to where you’re sitting, so I figured they’d be okay seats but wan’t really sure what to expect. On February 22, 2013 (Friday) my mom woke me up to tell me that we had a snow day so I could go back to sleep for a while, when I woke back up, it was time to get our things together to go to Louisville, Kentucky for the concert. Once our car was packed up, we embarked on our weekend road trip!

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That night we arrived at our hotel that connected to the stadium, we got dressed and walked over to the show. The first man we asked to point us in the right direction said, “These are really good seats.” When we finally got inside the stadium, I looked around at all of the people who were anxiously awaiting Thompson Square, one of Luke’s opening acts.My mom asked another man to tell us exactly where we’d be sitting; he informed us that we had floor seats. The two of us made our way down a few flights of stairs before realizing that our seats were RIGHT next to the stage. During the concert Luke touched my hand twice, it was so amazing to be so close to him! The person in the picture to the left is Luke on stage and the girl in the cowboy hat would be me (:

The day after seeing Luke, my mom and I decided to go to see the Louisville Slugger Museum and Factory. At first I wanted to go but I also wanted to go home but once we walked in the doors, I was so excited to see everything. The first thing that happened when we walked into the museum was that we were able to hold the bat of one of six players. My mom choose Mickey Mantle and I picked up Joey Votto’s, it was really, really cool. Then we had a tour of the factory and got to watch a video showing a series of baseball player interviews. I even got to take a picture with a life size statue of one of my favorite players, Ken Griffey Jr. All in all, it’s hard to argue against this being the best weekend of my life! If you ever want to get away for a short vacation and you live within five or six hours from there, I highly recommend checking out the museum! There are a lot of other cool things in Louisville, too!

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It’s 2013- Everyone has a twitter, right? I mean even my mom is a member, along with over five-hundred million other people. Because of that fact I have decided to make an account for my blog! Click here to go straight to the new twitter page and follow me! I also have an Ask.fm account where you can ask me ANYTHING and it will remain completely anonymous! http://Ask.fm/ayeitssyd. Thanks everyone ❤

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Personify, my love.

I used to believe in Love, then one day I refused to allow it the honor of placement in my mind. People around me would be searching for another person to fill a void that they thought only this strange concept of “Love” would fill. Then, one day, I met someone who changed my mind and I began to believe in that concept just as everyone else around me did. I felt it; I enjoyed its magic, I indulged in its warmth, I made myself comfortable in its presence. That was my tragic error, the single action that really led to my demise.. I was so comfortable with Love, I so deeply ingrained that word and the things that came with it into who I was, I told people that I was in love and I knew that my lips were speaking the truth of my heart.

Twice before had I felt that word creeping into my life, attempting to steal the ground from beneath my awkwardly positioned feet. Twice before I had become overwhelmingly frightened. The word would call upon its meaning to assassinate me, to come after me to poison my emotions. However, those other times the word lost track of me as I continued to hide from it, running so much faster than it could. You see, without my thoughts and emotions to feed on, the word had no power; it was slow, fragile, and weak.

This time it managed to hold my attention just long enough. I began to trust it, but that only helped it to grow. It became a bigger monster everyday, though I felt no harm- I thought Love wanted me to be happy. Love took me in, made me feel at ease then struck like a cobra, ripping away everything I thought I knew. It teased me once I was injured, it continued to stand above me as it laughed. With each tear I shed, it only became louder.

That’s why I no longer believe in Love, though everyone says it has some kind of healing powers. Just wait until Love trips them and steals away their joy, as it did to me. I wonder how many of them will still enjoy its company once they’re bleeding on the cold, hard ground.

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Forever Humbled ❤

Thank you so much to Little Sweet and Sour for nominating me for the Libster Award! This is my third ever nomination and, let me tell you, it was just as amazing as the first. I’m forever humbled by all of your kindness and love in the WordPress community. Today I logged on to see this nomination along with the fact that my blog now has 100 followers! I never thought that it would be remotely successful, I love all of you so much! Each like, comment, and follow puts a huge smile on my face; I feel as if I have finally found my niche! Thanks to Tegan (of Little Sweet and Sour) and to all of the people who are reading this- you’re all flat out amazing!

Here are the rules!

1. Post 11 things about yourself.
2. Answer the questions that the tagger/nominator has posted for you.
3. Create 11 questions and choose (nominate) 11 up and coming blogs and link them in the post.
4. Go to their page and tell them.

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