Follow my new blog.

This blog has a lot of things on it that are very personal. I do not want to share these things with those who may know me in real life. I will be changing my blog domain to this one. Please follow me there and on my twitter account!  Thanks!

I have waited far too long to make this post.

I am against the police brutality that has killed Michael Brown, Eric Garner, John Crawford, Tamir Rice, and so many others who haven’t gotten their names in the news, and I 100% think that it is a race issue. People who don’t think that it is about race or, even worse, who think the police officers were justified, hold views that I simply cannot understand no matter how hard I try.

Reboot

When I first created this site I did so in order to have a place to share my thoughts/feelings about the world around me. I’m interested in politics and have been since I was extremely young! Since then I have strayed a lot from the original purpose because some tough things have happened in my personal life since this blog began in the summer of 2012 (a bad break up, diagnosis of depression and social anxiety disorder, the death of my aunt and of a close family friend, a lot of issues with my dad, starting college, additional relationship/ boy drama, and, in August of this year, one of my best friends from high school committed suicide) so whenever I actually log in to write about something it has almost always been personal.

I would really enjoy getting back to my roots because I feel that as I embark on the change of my major from Political Science to English I need both an outlet for my political and social views and somewhere to use my writing capabilities (outside of my YA fiction writing and school work).

As before, my email and comment sections are always open to anyone who would like to reach out to me with their own views or just to chat! (blog.offmychest@gmail.com) — though keep in mind it may take a few days for me to get to your email because of my busy schedule. I would also like to note that I enjoy reading other people’s opinions even if I don’t agree with them to gain perspective in what others think and feel. I believe that the only way for us to grow in our knowledge and debating tactics is to keep an open mind and dialogue in RESPECTFUL disputes. I will respect your opinions and be polite as long as you do the same.

Thank you all for following my blog, it means the world to be to be over 200 followers. I didn’t anticipate nearly this many people caring about what I write (especially because it has been so bleak and personal up to this point). I hope that you continue to follow me and begin to participate in the conversation here at Just One Girl.

XOXO

The Path Less Traveled By.

I’ve never quite understood the people who cross streets on the crosswalk.

I always watch these individuals as they go out of their way and take the path of all the people before them, they look both ways, and they stay within the confines of those white lines. It’s so silly to me that someone would go so far out of their way just to follow a rule made by society, a law with little merit, especially on a street like this one. The road is virtually untraveled, making me wonder why the crosswalk exists in the first place. Who declared that they must paint white stripes across this particular road? Who thought that human beings were so stupid that they could not be trusted to cross this one lane side street without being mowed down by a car? I felt a crocked smile beam across my face as yet another person took the long way from the building she came out of to the crosswalk.

In moments like these I simply ask myself if everyone in the country can be put in one of two categories: those who must cross the crosswalk, and those who choose to take their own path.

Tom Delonge – the most underrated songwriter of the 21st Century

faithinloveandmusic

When you think of all of the best songwriters in the world, who springs to mind? According to an article in Rolling Stone, readers chose songwriters such as John Lennon, Paul McCartney and Bob Dylan. While these are all completely true and substantiated, they are perhaps a tad obvious. Not only that, but they are artists from a time gone by. Sure, their music and legacies have lived on for decades, but what about now?

Whilst the popular music of the 21st century has generally proved to be lyrically uninspiring, it is important to remember the music that sits quietly, unappreciated whilst the noise of the charts gathers attention in the foreground. Which leads me back to my point: who are the greatest modern, current songwriters?

In my mind, it is Tom Delonge of Blink-182.

Controversial I know, but let me explain. Think back to 1994. I myself was…

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The day the wonderland collapsed around Alice

Alice suddenly found herself smiling at a text message and looked up to see if anyone had noticed; she took solace that, for once, the fact that no one paid her much attention had actually shown benefits. She had been texting a boy for a few days, knowing that it would likely never go anywhere and strangely not knowing whether or not she wanted it to. It had been about a week since Joel had talked to her, but she wasn’t going to let it bring her down. He was with Madison and had never really shown much interest, so she attempted to brush him off by texting this new boy. She finally allowed herself to stop thinking about his perfect black hair, sexy lip ring, and the way he laughed whenever she tried to make a joke, most people didn’t find her as funny as he seemed to and she enjoyed that attention. She typed back, dreading the fact that once he fell asleep she would go right back to reminiscing about the strong friendship she’d developed with Joel, she’d replay the memories in her head for the hundredth time, she’d remember his kiss with Madison the very day she’d planned to tell him how she felt, and, worst of all, she’d remember the way her tears tasted that evening. It was going to be a long night.

Experimenting with point-of-view

One day in my shoes and you’d know that something is missing, one day within the confines of my mind and you’d know exactly what that missing piece is.

Ever since the day I had allowed her to walk out of my life, or rather I pushed her out of it, I had been so lonely. Without her, who was I to confide my deepest thoughts, feelings, and problems to? Who was I supposed to run to when things in my life got difficult? Some may say my parents, but they had proven to be unhelpful. My mother tried to listen, but she had too many other things to deal with that my childish problems seemed obsolete and my father had never been one for feelings. Occasionally, I would turn to my friends, but they only ever wanted wanted to talk about drugs or brag about all of their sexual conquests. To be honest, I often question the validity of such stories because I’ve seen Randy talk to girls before and it had never gone well; he expected us to feel that when no one was around he was a natural with the fairer sex. I’m not buying it.

The last day of school I told my mom I was sick when, in reality, I wasn’t looking forward to saying goodbye to the girl who still had my heart. I know she thinks I don’t love her anymore, but that’s all a front. I act as if she is nothing but the dirt beneath my feet, little does she know she’s every song on my favorite playlist that constantly plays through my headphones every day a school, she’s the doodles on the corners of my assignments, and she’s the images and “what it” fantasies my mind plays for me at night. Every time I see her it’s as if my heart has been run over, but it’s behind the wheel. What a tragedy that I had the nerve to think I was too good for that girl or that we were in some way boring or void of passion. I was crazy and, for that, I must pay the ultimate price of watching her make some other man’s dreams come true…

I wrote an essay for class, I’d like to share it.

We Learn To Get By If We Learn To Have Scars

            Guitarist and vocalist Tom DeLonge accurately described what music means to me when he said, “music is good when it makes you dance but music is great when it makes you who you are.” Some of my first memories are singing and dancing around with my mom to the sounds that always seemed to fill our house. After my parents’ divorce my mom was distraught but it would always make her smile return to play Pink albums and rock out in the kitchen; those were some of my favorite nights growing up.

            When high school began I had a plethora of friends and always seemed to be on the move with a grin upon my face. During my transition from junior high and striving to become one of the elite “popular” kids, my school work suffered greatly which is when I first started to feel the depression setting in, I would have weeks at a time where I didn’t feel up to getting out of bed and days where I wouldn’t talk to anyone. Because I had allowed myself to fall behind, I lost hope in my intelligence. I stopped trying in school altogether after a while and decided that I wasn’t cut out for college, I had no idea what the future had in store for me but I was certainly dreading it.

            My sophomore year was an eye opener for me academically as I was enrolled in a program for kids who weren’t living up to their potential. I was really upset about joining a class of nineteen other kids and being isolated from the rest of my high school for the year, but it turned out to be a blessing in disguise. I started to get the grades my family always told me I could get, I was blessed with the opportunity to tutor a class of first graders at a local elementary, and I was happy again. That is until everything fell apart.

            As my junior year began my good friend invited me to go to a movie with her and one of her newer guy friends because she “didn’t want him to think it was a date.” So I went, of course! When I got to the movie and saw her friend, I thought he was cute but then I got the chance to talk to him; he was so funny, I couldn’t stop laughing, and he was also extremely intelligent. I asked my friend if she was sure she didn’t like him as more than a friend and when she said she was sure, I asked her to hook me up with him. That night I went so far as to tell my mom about how great this guy was; he seemed too good to be true. At a sleepover that night she began talking with another of our friends and was talked in to calling this guy. They talked for a long time and it was clear that she had changed her mind about him. I was upset but I figured since he liked her and not me, it would be okay. I decided to be happy for her instead of angry about it.

            About two weeks after they started dating, he began talking to me and it slipped that I had kind of liked him when I met him and he told me that he felt the same; it felt awkward knowing that I had this crush on my best friend’s boyfriend but I couldn’t shake it. When he broke up with her after a month, she had her mind made up to get him back but I began talking to him more and more. My friends all thought I was flirting with him, which I really wasn’t trying to do at all, and became mad at me. It was like seven girls verses me (the odds weren’t in my favor). That’s how I lost my entire group of friends in one fell swoop. Since I figured I had nothing to lose and on the advice of my mother, I began dating that boy. I began to receive tweets, Facebook messages, and texts about how horrible of a person I was and how much they hated me, all from my so called “friends.”

            I had never entirely felt like I fit in anywhere and, without my friends, I was lost. I felt that same hopelessness I had during my intellectual struggles, only this time it was worse; the emptiness didn’t go away after a few weeks, it stuck with me. I went from being a happy girl smiling and talking to everyone I passed in the hallway to keeping my head down and going straight from class to class. Since school work was all I had, I threw myself into it. On top of the depression, my anxiety was at an all-time high, it became hard for me to do everyday things such as go to the movie theatre or going out to eat with my family. I was always worried about what others would think of me, my self-esteem had been absolutely shattered.  

            On a vacation to Georgia the summer before my senior year I decided to listen to a song I had always enjoyed as a child, First Date by Blink-182. I then created a Pandora station around the band and listened to it almost constantly. I finally began to feel like myself again, when their voices were in my ears it was like life made sense to me again. I no longer questioned if it were worth it to get out of bed in the morning because I knew that when I got to school I could put in my headphones and drown out the people around me. In a time when I had no friends, I had made new ones: Tom DeLonge, Mark Hoppus, and Travis Barker kept me company whenever I was lonely and they never turned their backs on me.

            Music had always been a part of my family’s culture but the musicians had never spoken to me quite like they did, I never felt as if I knew the people behind the lyrics and I had never thought that I could turn to celebrities for solace. It was almost magical the way a horrible day could be transformed by pressing play on my phone. This weekend, my birthday weekend, I am fortunate enough to see my best friends preform live in Chicago. While they have no idea who I am, and most-likely never will, they made all the difference for me and for so many other depressed, anxious teenagers around the world. I recently formed an Instagram page dedicated to my favorite band and the amount of people who went through things similar to my experiences is crazy, so many young people depend on Blink to brighten their days. Some people were considering suicide before they found this music. I finally do belong somewhere, I finally have a community of people just like me. Blink has given me the gift of happiness and purpose, they truly have changed my life for the better.

 

*** Honest feedback appreciated and desired!***            

 

Fate.

As you could probably infer, today I’m going to tell you a little story about fate. I’m a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. The hard part of this theory for some people is that some things you don’t know the reason or maybe you just won’t understand until later. I’ve put a lot of things together lately which is beautiful to me, and I’d like to share some of it.

A Huge Part of My Life.al

No, I’m not talking about my family, friends, boys, or anything like that. I am talking about one of the biggest and most important parts of who I am, though… music. To some people music is a nice beat that makes the dance or something to jam out to in the car but to me it’s so much more. Music is my escape, my get away, my freedom; music is a way to express myself and, sometimes, lose myself. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve needed music to make myself stop crying, help me fall asleep, or just calm me down.